I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
