Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
