the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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