Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
