I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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