Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
