so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize