You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
