i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
