my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
