Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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