i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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