Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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