if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
