I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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