Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize