I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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