I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I love you. Go after that dick
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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