That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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