he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
