Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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