just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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