we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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