I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
