A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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