bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
