I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
false alarm, still single
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
