oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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