Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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