just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
