we have officially lost it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
