I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
