girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
