Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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