I'm eating all of the evidence.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
