i always forget guys have bellybuttons
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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