The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
