Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
