i think my tv is drunk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
