absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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