so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
