Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
