I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
