$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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