walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
