Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
