i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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