We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
