he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
