You can't motorboat a personality
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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