My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
