I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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