Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
