so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
