Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
