what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
