oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
