i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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