rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
