sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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