sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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