So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
where are you?
Hypothermia
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
