My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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