Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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