some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just tell him i said nine months
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you had me at cake vodka
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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