I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
