# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
