woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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