yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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